CelebriLegs

There, in the front seat of the car: it's Barbara Walters!  I have proof.

A moment before, I was heading to the stage door in hopes of getting Barbara from my window when I discovered that she was already on her way out.

I found myself in the unusual position of the street level paparazzi.  I grabbed a few shots in the hope that I could find some way to use them.  

Barbara's dress is what saves the day.  You can see the same polka dot pattern in the close-up of the gum photo:

I had a similar situation with Samuel L. Jackson a few months ago.

Unlucky timing meant I only got his leg as he climbed into his SUV.  

One more CelebriLeg photo.  Spotted at the Brimfield flea market, these are extremely accurate replicas of the legs of Brian Williams.

I do have proof, but I had to promise Brian I would never publish the photos. Let's just say busy newsmen sometimes forget to put on pants before dashing over to the Late Show.

Will Smith

 Will was on the Late Show to promote his summer blockbuster film "After Earth."

The film takes place a thousand years in the future, when Earth has been abandoned by humankind after a series of cataclysms.

Some may see it as crass cross-promotion, but Will agreed that in the post-apocalyptic world of 3013, only one aspect of our current civilization will have survived unscathed.

He doesn't have a good explanation for why those subway cars would still be on fire, though. 

Amy Schumer

 Amy is a comedian/actress/writer who's got a new show on Comedy Central.

 Congratulations, Amy!  In addition to all your other success…

… your excellent posture outside the Late Show has won you this coveted CelebriGum award:

Okay, CelebriGum has fallen a bit behind in giving out the Good Posture pin, but it's still very prestigious.

Two Guys Who Pretend To Go Fast, And One Who Really Does

CAUTION: NEW STAR TREK MOVIE SPOILER

From "Star Trek Into Darkness," here's Chris Pine, who plays James Kirk…

… and Benedict Cumberbatch, who plays Khan.  

Their characters travel through space at "warp speed."

(Aside to Star Trek fans: is Spock a last or first name?  I somehow always thought Spock looked like a Jeff.  Jeff Spock.  Come on, Steve, focus.)

But here's a guy who actually goes fast:

Graham Rahal, who'll be competing in this weekend's Indy 500.

Indy cars can reach speeds of over -- 

WE INTERRUPT THIS CELEBRIGUM ENTRY FOR BLATANT SELF-PROMOTION

Check this out.

My friend Sport and I have written a beautiful, strange, amazing book we're really proud of.

It'll be out this fall.  Learn more here.

There's no truth to the rumor that for nearly three years I've operated CelebriGum merely as a scheme to build an audience for this book.

But hey, it couldn't hurt.

Farewell to the Spring '13 Interns

Another semester ends… another fond farewell to a fine batch of Late Show interns.  Two of them have a new resume item sure to baffle potential employers:  "Spring 2013: Guest photographer, CelebriGum." 

Randi Furman, whose work we've seen before, grabbed a few nice shots.

Kerry Washington

Chris O'Dowd

Jim Parsons  (the out-of-focus gum/sharp celebrity is an artistic choice, not a mistake, right, Randi?)

Emily Erotas also entered the glamorous world of celebrity gum photography.

Matthew McConaughey

 Hoda Kotb

Ed Helms (careful of the gum there, Emily)

Emily's post-college plans include building a media empire around her own piece of gum and driving me out of business.  You'll be sorry, Emily.  You have no idea of the harsh tactics I'm willing to employ in order to protect… ah, you know what, forget it.  I surrender.  

Thanks, ladies!  Best of luck!

Michael Strahan

Is there anything this versatile athlete/football analyst/talk show host can't do?

Michael visited the Late Show to promote his one man show about President Richard Nixon, "President Richard Nixon."

Not only has he got Nixon's mannerisms down, he's even nailed the 37th president's affinity for appearing in public with a piece of old gum on a window ledge.

(Photo credit: the Richard Nixon Presidential Library and Museum and Clearly Fake Photo Archive)
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Shortly before I posted this entry, I realized I also wanted a gum photo of Nixon doing the gesture the day he left office, but at that point I was away from my home computer with the photo software.

So I had to make this with my own gum, a padded mailer for a ledge, and a photo on my office computer screen.

Yeah, I'm getting a lot done here at work.

Tom Hanks

"Steve, Tom Hanks on line one."

I sighed.  It had been a long day and I was finally packing up to leave One CelebriGum Plaza.  "Can you tell him I'll call him back tomorrow?"

"He says it's urgent."

Far below my 89th floor office, the lights of Manhattan glittered.  I had glamorous places to be.  But I picked up the phone.

"Hi, Tom, what's up?"

"Steve, as I'm sure you've heard, I was recently ranked the most trusted person in America by Reader's Digest.  So you can trust me when I tell you that CelebriGum needs work."

"Really?  What kind of work?  I mean, I think it's going well; I've had some good entries recently -- "

"Exactly.  Steve, the problem is that CelebriGum has in fact gotten too good.  Eye-catching, artistic entries like Paris Hilton and Jack Hanna have strayed from your mission statement.  Right there at the top of the page, it says "mediocre photos."  You upgraded from the lousy cell phone to the pretty good point-and-shoot to the fancy camera, with the result that there's less and less mediocrity.  You've forgotten what made everyone fall in love with CelebriGum: the gritty, slapdash charm."

"Wow.  I hadn't thought of that, Tom.  What can I do?"

"Here's what's going to happen.  I'm going to help you make a dazzlingly mediocre entry."

"First, I'm going to arrive suddenly and bolt right for the stage door, allowing you only a fleeting glimpse of my ankle as I disappear inside.  Forget mediocre; we're already at awful."

"But we don't want awful!  Or do we?  Tell me, Tom!  You're so trustworthy!"

"Relax, it gets better.  But only a little.  As I leave, you'll get a decent shot.  However, I'll have other people around me so the composition is jumbled and not particularly pleasing.  I'll time my exit so you have too much light on the window ledge, and not quite enough on the street.  I'll let you get the side of my face, but -- this is important -- make sure the focus is just a bit soft."

"For the next shot, I'll be turned away, and mostly lost in the blackness of the car.  Here's where further blur can really help CelebriGum scream "amateur"."

"Ah, yes.  Pretty sure I remember how to do "amateur"."

"Regain your focus for the last shot, by which time I'll be getting into the car.  It won't be very interesting, but that's beside the point.  What you need -- what we all need -- is that potent combination of the supremely absurd concept and the indifferent quality photos."

"Can I still have a really good-looking entry sometimes?"

"Sure, just not too often.  Mostly you should stick with the proven formula: so-so pictures, mildly clever commentary."

"That's what people like?"

"Yeah.  I'm not sure why, but they do.  Okay, gotta go."

"Thanks, Tom.  I mean it."

"See you in a few days.  Don't screw this up."

"I won't.  Goodnight."

I hung up and looked at the last glow of sunset over the Hudson.

I wouldn't screw it up.  I'd get it right for the fans, for Tom, and for all the other celebrities.

And for Reader's Fucking Digest, dammit.

Goodbye to "The Office"

After a great nine season run, "The Office" is ending.  The final episode airs Thursday, May 16th.

Here are a few of the stars of "The Office" who've been caught by the CelebriGum camera recently.

John Krasinski ("Jim")

Mindy Kaling ("Kelly")

Ed Helms ("Andy")

And, from the CelebriGum files:

Steve Carell ("Michael")

 Rainn Wilson ("Dwight")

 B.J. Novak ("Ryan")

 And of course, no discussion of "The Office" would be complete without…

Ricky Gervais ("Pam")

Thanks for all the laughs!

Tobey Maguire

Announcing another CelebriGum technological breakthrough!

Tobey Maguire is one of the stars of the new film "The Great Gatsby," now showing in thrilling 3D.  In honor of that entertainment event...

Presenting the first CelebriGum 3D image!

To properly view this Tobey Maguire photo, put on the complimentary 3D glasses that were included with the special CelebriGum supplement in your Sunday newspaper.

You didn't throw away the glasses, did you?

You did?

No worries -- thanks to another CelebriGum breakthrough, you can simulate the experience of having a pair of 3D glasses by viewing this photo.

The 3D glasses for viewing the photo of the 3D glasses will be in this weekend's CelebriGum Sunday newspaper supplement.  Please try not to lose them.

Jim Gaffigan and the CelebriGum Comedy Challenge

Comedian and actor Jim Gaffigan… looking very snappy in his suit and red shoes…

 Wait, what's he doing?

He's showing off his new book to the paparazzi!

Help us, paparazzi!  Let us see his book!

Ah yes, it's "Dad Is Fat," available in bookstores now!

 Now what's he doing?

He's holding up another book!

Here's where the comedy challenge comes in!  Send me your hilarious idea for a clever title.  I'll pick my favorite, put it into the picture using my photo software, and add it to this entry tomorrow night, Monday, May 13th!  Email to celebrigum@gmail.com.

Get funnying, gumheads!

UPDATE: THE WINNER

Submitted by Dan Page.  Congratulations, Dan!

Lots of other good ones, including many on the biting/eating theme, such as:

   Eat This Book (several submissions)

   Bite Me: A Love Story

   Bite This Book

   Bite Me!

   Sooty Like Me

   Where's My Tie?

   Enjoy Every Book  (a clever reference to the late Warren Zevon's line on the show,

   "Enjoy Every Sandwich")

   Dad Is Even FATTER

   Jim Gaffigan's Cooking For Dummies

As you can see, it had to be something short.

Thanks to everyone who rose to the CelebriGum Comedy Challenge!