CelebriGum encompasses the heights of joy and the depths of despair.
Affable, popular "Late Night" host Jimmy Fallon beams with delight as he approaches a friend…
… and shares a hug.
But note the damage to the dumpster lid. A couple days earlier, despondent over my failure to get gum photos of Claire Danes, Emma Watson, Neil Young, or even British Prime Minister David Cameron, I leaped from the second story window in an attempt to end it all.
The bruises are fading and, thanks to the support of family and friends, I'm in a better place now. I have a healthy perspective on what's important.
I just better get Tom Hanks on Monday.
Does your health insurance cover busted dumpster lids?
ReplyDeleteThe WGA insurance covers my injuries. The DGA (Dumpster Guild of America) covers any claims from the dumpster.
DeleteWe need a single-payer dumpster care system.
DeleteI smell a cover-up. I believe the gum can morph into a cruel malicious menance who threw Ms. Danes off the ledge, because he thought she was a real CIA agent.
ReplyDeleteCertainly not the craziest conspiracy theory I've seen on the internet.
DeleteMay I suggest you open the lid next time you go dumpster diving? You may find something that makes life worth living inside. Or at least you may find a nice pair of trousers-or lunch.
DeleteOdd how these very valid points never occur to the suicidal.
DeleteIf the lid was open your fall would have been cushioned by last week's jokes. D'ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
ReplyDeleteNo, Karl. As part of the Late Show's eco-friendly recycling program, we don't throw jokes away, we use them again and again. D'ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
Delete...and again, and again, and again....and again...
DeleteEvery Earth Day, we even recycle jokes about how we recycle jokes.
Deleteand again...
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