Krysten Ritter

It's been quite a week. If you can spend time with something as trivial as celebrities juxtaposed with an old piece of gum, count yourself lucky.

Let's relax with this classically pleasing photo of Krysten Ritter, star of "Don't Trust The B---- in Apartment 23."

The flash of emerald green dress, Krysten's long elegant shadow, the silhouette of Jimmy the security guy on the side of the passing truck... if CelebriGum has a point, it's this blend of beauty and absurdity.

Okay, a five letter word beginning with B. Hmmm... Bialy? Nah, too ethnic. Bidet? Too European. Books? Unlikely; people don't read anymore. Beets? Yeah, probably beets. Root vegetables are hot these days.

Denzel Washington and Hurricane Sandy

This is probably Denzel Washington.

There were no paparazzi or fans to scream for him, because he was arriving during a hurricane.  So I was missing some of my usual cues, and the hat didn't help.

But the shoes look similar to the ones he wears in this paparazzi shot from the last time he was on the show.

Denzel Washington was the lead guest for Monday's Hurricane Sandy show.  It was a very interesting show because there was no audience.  Here's a sample.

As entertaining as Denzel was, the hurricane was the star of the show today.

As Dave and Biff Henderson discussed during the show, the storm damaged this crane at a skyscraper under construction on 57th Street.  A large section was dangling, causing the evacuation of surrounding buildings and the blocking-off of streets.

If the worst happens to the gum, this is the last photo of it.  October 29, 2012, 4:48 p.m.

4:50 p.m.: audio guy Al Norwood waving from the Gum Window.  Get home safe, Al!
God bless us every one!

Snooki and the Jacket

Ah yes, Snooki. Always a treat to see Snooki with the gum.

But the real excitement of this entry is the guy at the edge of the crowd attempting to put on a jacket in the next few photos. Can he do it?

 We join him in progress. The right sleeve is on. A promising start!

 Preparing for the left sleeve…

 Has something gone wrong? Was he -- and were we -- too overconfident?

 The crucial moment. If he doesn't get his left arm in the sleeve on this attempt, it's all over.

 In the heat of battle… confusion... hard to tell what's happening...

Success!  

Of course most of the credit must go to the jacket-wearer's talent and perseverance. But things might well have turned out differently without magical presence of Snooki. 

October Surprise

I guess President Obama's nervous.  He's certainly looking for any advantage he can get as we head into the final days of the campaign.  Today, in a game-changing "October Surprise," the president called me and ordered the release of several images from the Strategic Celebrity Gum Photo Reserve.

The Strategic Celebrity Gum Photo Reserve was created in 2011 by an Act of Congress.  It stockpiles spare photos of celebrities with old gum for use during times of shortage or national emergency.  The photos are stored at several sites near the Gulf of Mexico in enormous underground salt dome caverns; it's a pain in the ass to go get them.

I came out of the salt dome caverns with four photos:

 Andrew Garfield, your 2012 Spider-Man

 Rob Schneider, most recently of the CBS comedy series "Rob"

From "Parks and Recreation," Aubrey Plaza

Dave's old friend, comedian Tom Dreesen

Clearly this unexpected influx of celebrity gum photos will boost the economy, the nation's morale, and the President's poll numbers.  I just hate to see CelebriGum used as a political tool.

Billy Crystal

Winter is coming.

It was my first attempt at getting comedy legend Billy Crystal, as he left the theater after the second show on a double taping day. I knew it would be tricky.  

Billy turned out okay, but despite extensive massaging of shadow, contrast, etc, the gum is faint and amorphous at best. For a website called CelebriGum, this is a problem. Although I limped through the last couple winters, this year I decided to make a bold move. How bold? $8.77 bold. (Plus shipping bold.)

Meet the new CelebriGum wintertime light:

It's a clip-on LED light powered by three AAA batteries. Sure, its sinuous flex stalk and pearlescent glow are sexy, but can it get the job done?

Let's look at the test shots.

Without the light. Terrible.    

With the light, same settings and levels. A subtle yet huge improvement: The gum is clearly visible, but the ledge is not blindingly over-lit. Interesting bluish cast contrasting with the greenish tint of the street. We can work with this. 

Winter is coming, but we're going to get through it.

John Goodman

John Goodman visited the Late Show to promote "Argo," the thrilling new film about the CIA's 1979 mission to promote Argo corn starch.

Argo corn starch, a product of ACH Food Companies, Inc., has been around since 1892.  It's a nearly flavorless thickener that allows the natural flavor of food to come through.  Great in pies, puddings, custards, and cake fillings!  Plus, it's gluten-free!  No wonder the CIA was anxious to spread the word!

Note: you may have heard about a different premise for the "Argo" movie.  However, $50 from ACH Food Companies convinced me that the movie is about their fine brand of corn starch, which is available in stores nationwide.  Also available at wholesale clubs in one pound containers.  

Still not convinced?  As John Goodman's character says in the film, "Argo corn starch fuck yourself."

Gallery of Out-Of-Focus Celebrities

When life gives you blur, make blur-ade.

As much as I try to get the camera to focus on the street below and not the ledge, I don't always succeed. But that's okay. These are sort of awesome, I think. And for you fans who've asked for better shots of the gum (yes, there really are such people), it's your special day.

Kathy Griffin

Regis Philbin

Joan Rivers

Kelsey Grammer

Howard Stern

Jennifer Garner

Note: Blur-Ade is a registered trademark of the Methanol Beverage Group, designating their line of wood alcohol based sports drinks, consumption of which can cause blindness, coma, and death. Available in Optic Nerve Destroying Orange, Rockin' Respiratory Failure Raspberry, Xtreme Cherry Central Nervous System Depression Blast, and Lemon-Lime.

Jimmy Fallon

CelebriGum encompasses the heights of joy and the depths of despair.

 Affable, popular "Late Night" host Jimmy Fallon beams with delight as he approaches a friend…

… and shares a hug.  

But note the damage to the dumpster lid.  A couple days earlier, despondent over my failure to get gum photos of Claire Danes, Emma Watson, Neil Young, or even British Prime Minister David Cameron, I leaped from the second story window in an attempt to end it all.

The bruises are fading and, thanks to the support of family and friends, I'm in a better place now.  I have a healthy perspective on what's important.  

I just better get Tom Hanks on Monday. 

Nick Offerman

Each year we lose dozens of stars to the tragedy of Spontaneous Celebrity Combustion.

Despite the millions of dollars spent on research, we don't yet know why so many of our precious celebrities suddenly burst into flames.  And once a celebrity has been reduced to a small pile of ash, there's no cure.

CelebriGum commends "Parks and Recreation" star Nick Offerman on his wise decision to always travel with firefighters.  Someday we'll lick this terrible scourge, but for now, better safe than sorry.

Meet CelebriGum's Right Hand Man

This is Late Show deputy cue card guy Todd Seda.

In addition to doing his job well and just generally being a nice guy, Todd has become an invaluable CelebriGum backup photographer.  His photo of Drew Barrymore was the first-ever CelebriGum entry I didn't shoot myself.  And in the past week he's grabbed several crucial shots when I wasn't at the window.

Kevin James -- excellent!

Salma Hayek -- very good!

An unidentified member of KISS -- it's the thought that counts!

In addition to being a budding photographer of celebrities and old gum, Todd is something of a poet, especially when testing new batches of cue card ink. 

Thanks, Todd! 

Jack Hanna

When Jack Hanna visits the Late Show, there are remarkable sights on 53rd Street.

 A tiger!

 An alligator!

A giant tortoise!

A runaway child!

(Credits: Photos 1 and 2 by Todd Seda.  Photos 3 and 4 by Steve Young.  Child by Executive Producer Maria Pope.)

Michael Strahan

Wha--?

Hey, Late Show guest bookers, I love you guys, but don't you think we were a little late on this one?  New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan retired from football over four years ago!  

Next time let's not "drop the ball," and try to get someone who's still in the public eye! 

Tina Fey

Tina, on the show to promote 30 Rock, is seen here with a small "rock" 30 feet in the air!

(Confidential to Tina: This is just a sample of the genius I could bring to your writing staff as you prepare for seasons 8, 9, 10, and beyond!  Call me!)

Stephen Colbert

How many Stephen Colberts can you find in this picture?

I found two:

It's obvious that I'm using a far, far better camera than in October 2010, when this terrible cell phone photo of Mr. Colbert convinced me to upgrade.

So there's proof that some things have gotten much better in the last couple years! 

(Hint for President Obama: mention this in the next debate.)

Kaley Cuoco

Many years from now the parents of the little girl in the stroller will tell her, "You were there the day Kaley Cuoco of "The Big Bang Theory" was photographed for CelebriGum!"

"Wait, you mean CelebriGum used to be, like, photos of celebrities with gum?"

"Yes, before Steve Young built it into today's multi-trillion-dollar empire encompassing gambling, space tourism, fashions for the elderly, casual dining, replacement organs, and lawn care, CelebriGum was literally about celebrities and a piece of old gum."

"I never even thought of that.  It's one of those words you just grow up hearing all the time, and it never occurs to you to wonder what it actually means.  So when did Mr. Young stop taking the pictures of stars with the gum?"

"Stop?  He hasn't stopped.  He's still going strong at age 79."

"Oh dear."