Kristen Wiig

Remember the old Trident ads which claimed that "Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend sugarless gum for their patients who chew gum"?  

CelebriGum is thrilled to introduce a special guest columnist: the mysterious fifth dentist!

"Thank you for inviting me to be a guest columnist.  Please understand that I can't reveal my name or location.  Ever since the gum recommendation fiasco of the 1960's, I've been in hiding."

"Everyone assumes I cynically recommended gum with sugar so I could get more business filling cavities.  Not true.  I simply thought sugarless gum was too new for its relative merits to be known, so I wasn't ready to recommend it.  But nobody wanted to hear that; I was now "the evil dentist," and colleagues and patients shunned me.  Then I started receiving threats from Trident's goons.  Thank God for the American Dental Association's Witness Protection Program.  I was able to resettle my family in a different city and start a new practice, once my plastic surgery was completed."  

"As for your Kristen Wiig photograph, it's nice, I suppose.  I heard she was good in that "Wedding Ladies" movie.  I don't really get the whole gum and celebrity concept, but if it makes you happy, great."

"Not that it matters now, but yeah, sugarless gum is fine.  Go nuts, chew it 24/7.  I don't care anymore.  Though I do encourage you to floss."

"Now if you'll excuse me, the new issue of "Modern Endodontics" just arrived and I want to see if they published my poem.  Again, thank you for inviting me."


I was hoping the column would be more about the photo of Kristen Wiig with the gum, but still, a fascinating glimpse of a pivotal 20th century figure.  No promises on the flossing.