Katie Holmes

Katie called me the day before she was scheduled to appear on the Late Show. "Steve, you know I love CelebriGum, but if I have one complaint, it's the drabness of many of the pictures."

"I know," I said.  "I try to include red taillights and orange safety cones, but many days it's a lot of gray sidewalk, cloudy weather, black cars, and people in black clothing.  Not to mention the gray, sooty gum.  What can we do?"

"I'll bring my blue tarp and put it over a pile of stuff on the sidewalk."  

"That's a start."  

"And I can carry something colorful.  Maybe a peacock," Katie said.

"Don't do that.  Paul Shaffer's Canadian, and Canadians are allergic to peacocks."

"Oh, right.  How about I hold a dozen bananas."

"That would work, but you can't have bananas in New York anymore.  Mayor Bloomberg banned them because the peels are a slipping hazard."

"Good lord.  Okay, well, I'll figure out something."

Katie came up with a great solution.  That striking flash of red is the bouquet of flowers from the backstage utility closet where the remains of Ed Sullivan are stored.  They change the flowers every day anyway; it wasn't really stealing.