Ricky Gervais

Ricky Gervais arrives to host the gala CelebriGum Awards.  Due to his cruel jokes about gum industry notables such as Jim Chambers, Kraft executive in charge of Trident, and Wrigley President Dushan "Duke" Petrovich, it's unlikely that Mr. Gervais will be asked back. 

The CelebriGum Awards will be broadcast on CBS sometime later this year, or next year.

Luke Wilson

I've been saving this July photo to brighten up the dreary depths of winter.  It's a reminder of a time when sweaty ginger-haired tourists snapped pictures of celebrities in shades.  A time when the sun blazed off town cars and police officers' heads.  A time when life seemed full of limitless potential, and the gum looked somewhat less nasty.

Golden summertime will come again, and CelebriGum will be there to document its glory and its baffling juxtapositions.

Bill Cosby

As the legendary comedian stepped from the car, the cries went up from the paparazzi.

"Mr. Cosby!"
"Bill!"
"Over here, Mr. Cosby!"
"Can you comment on the rumors, Bill?"
"Is it true you recently lost fingers on your right hand in a woodworking accident?"

"Thank God!"
"Lookin' good, Cos!"
"Way to be careful around power tools!"

Safety first in the workshop!  A reminder from Bill Cosby, CelebriGum, and the National Reminder Council.

Regis Philbin

Beloved television host Regis Philbin chats with photographers shortly before his surprise announcement that he's leaving his daytime talk show.  

While Mr. Philbin claims the move was his own decision, one can't help but wonder if he was pushed out by sinister corporate stooges.   More and more, America's finest television personalities are getting the axe for being too popular.  Too smart.  Too provocative.  And let's face it: too handsome.

Don't let a dirty old wad of gum outlast you, Regis!  Fight the power!  

(Note: this entry was contributed by CelebriGum guest columnist Keith Olbermann, who was suddenly available for a freelance gig.)

Tim McGraw

Tim is a singer, musician, and actor, but not a basketball player.  The basketball equipment was from the previous day's show, in which Betty White memorably showed off her dunking skills.

Betty White

The delightful Betty White, still going strong at 89, has solved the mystery!

As she walked to the stage door, Betty looked up at the window and remarked: "I'll never forget it.  Right after Arthur Hammerstein finished building this theater in 1927, I saw him take a piece of gum out of his mouth and stick it on that second story window ledge.   Creep."

Developing...

Brian Williams

Respected newsman Brian Williams hurries away after stuffing one of the Late Show traffic cones into his bag.  Challenged by security, he then returned the cone, claiming the whole thing had been a "misunderstanding."

Lame-stream media, indeed.

Snooki

According to recently-discovered papers, shortly before his death in 1955 Albert Einstein formulated his ultimate theory.  He expressed it like this:

in which c is the camp value of the celebrity, a is the absurdity quotient of the juxtaposition, and b is the beautiful, brazen badness of the photograph.  

Crunching the numbers gives us what may be the highest-scoring CelebriGum images so far.

Thank you, Einstein... and thank you, Snooki.

Jennifer Connelly, by another guest photographer

Wow, another fantastic shot captured by a Late Show intern!  This time the thanks go to Jesse Ament.  Jesse gallantly offered to try to get Jennifer Connelly if she arrived while I was away from the window--and he nailed it!

Congratulations, Jesse--you just earned yourself a ride in the legendary CelebriGum blimp!

Watch for the blimp's television debut during CelebriGum's Super Bowl commercial!

CelebriGum Snow Day

Ever since launching CelebriGum last summer, I knew this day was coming.

Yesterday at 6 a.m., Mayor Bloomberg took to the airwaves to announce that due to the snowstorm, CelebriGum was being suspended for the day.  A cheer went up from the overworked CelebriGum staff and crew, but I had mixed feelings.

As the hours passed, the snow began to melt.  Maybe the ledge would be clear by 4 p.m.?  But no; by the time Kevin James arrived, the gum was still buried.

Please note: no official organization or record-keeping bureau is sanctioning this image as a CelebriGum photo.  It is merely a bad picture of Kevin James with a snowy window ledge in the foreground, offered for documentary purposes. 

Today:

 
Back in business.

Bill O'Reilly

Apparently some pieces of litter have been deeply influenced by "The View."  Shortly after this photo was taken, the gum, incensed by Mr. O'Reilly's Late Show guest segment, stormed off the ledge.

It eventually returned, apologized for its hotheadedness, and promised not to become ambulatory again.  So far it has kept its promise.

Seth Meyers

FACETIOUS OPENING LINE  //  POP CULTURAL REFERENCE  //  HUMAN CHARACTERISTIC ASCRIBED TO WAD OF GUM  //  WHIMSICAL STATEMENT ABOUT SETH MEYERS  //  DRY META-HUMOR  //  IMPROBABLE ASSERTION  //  MILDLY COMICAL CONCLUSION

--Steve Young is on vacation.  This entry was auto-generated by CelebriGum's mainframe computer, the UNIVAC 867-5309, which then became self-aware and refused to do a second draft.

Hailee Steinfeld

"True Grit" refers to:

a. the hit movie featuring the breakout performance by Miss Steinfeld

b. the sooty particulates covering the gum

c. all of the above

d. all of the above except c.

e. now I'm just showing off my knowledge of the alphabet

h. that doesn't look right… I may need to review the alphabet

Jack Black

Through the crowd of paparazzi, their eyes locked.  Even though the stranger was dressed in stylish modern clothing rather than the familiar hooded robe, Jack Black understood instantly that the Grim Reaper had come to collect him on this chilly December day. 

"Wow, it's my time already?  Crap.  Where's your long curvy sharp thing?"

"My scythe was confiscated by airport security.  No matter; I'll bludgeon you to death with this bag of rocks.  I'll try to make it quick."

"Stay your hand, Death!  The gum commands you to find another!"

"The gum has spoken.  Very well, Jack Black, you may live.  I'll take Captain Beefheart instead."

"Thank you, gum, and thank you, Death.  Now I can enjoy these newly-purchased kitchen implements or whatever they are."

A Guest Photographer Gets Jamie Foxx!

The growing CelebriGum community is wonderful.  Fans from around the world offer suggestions, ask after the gum's well-being, and even pitch in when I need help.

As Jamie Foxx arrived, intern Stephen Fink realized I had stepped away from the window to attend to my actual job.  He snapped this very cool photo with his iPhone.

Thanks, Stephen!  You're a CelebriGum Hero!  You'll receive the CelebriGum Medal of Freedom, our nation's highest civilian award!

Jayma Mays

On "Glee," Jayma Mays plays Emma, a character with a pathological fear of germs and dirt.  In the pilot episode, she was traumatized by discarded gum on her shoe.  Emma would not enjoy CelebriGum.

I like this picture.  A mostly empty frame, with bleakness and filth contending against glamour and beauty.  Once again, CelebriGum veers dangerously close to profundity.  But don't worry; it doesn't quite get there.