Special Halloween Edition

Is it a trick or a treat?

CelebriGum's founding documents (now housed at the National Archives) make no mention of whether celebrity impersonators are valid photo subjects.  But I've decided to proceed, and if this entry is struck down by the Supreme Court, so be it.

In this slightly eerie photo we see a boy dressed up as Jimmy McMillan, temporarily famous founder of New York's "Rent Is Too Damn High" party, for the Late Show's "new Halloween Costumes" piece.

From the CelebriGum family to yours, warmest wishes for a joyous Halloween season!

Stephen Colbert -- plus a bonus!

For purposes of image clarity, as well as for their own safety, CelebriGum subjects are reminded to WALK, NOT RUN, as they approach the Ed Sullivan Theater.

Otherwise, as we see in this unfortunate picture of Stephen Colbert, the photo quality will be port.


BONUS PHOTO TO COMPENSATE FOR THE BAD STEPHEN COLBERT PHOTO:

CelebriGum fans have made it clear that the gum must be prominent in each photo.  A faint hint of gum at the very edge of the frame is not acceptable.  So I'm giving the people what they want.

Some might object that this isn't a valid CelebriGum photo either, since there's gum but no celebrity.  But based on the intense interest in the gum, I propose that the gum is the celebrity.

Sofia Vergara

Celebrity: check.  Gum: check.  Optional elements such as non-celebrities, black luxury vehicle, stray foot in upper right corner: check, check, and check.  That's an indisputable CelebriGum photo.

But what about this one?  

Is the gum in or out?  Does this qualify as a CelebriGum photo?  

Judges?

Julie Chen

No, Ms. Chen is not giving photographers the finger.

During her Late Show visit, she recorded everything with a little video camera, which she explained was homework for her new show, "The Talk."  

Seems reasonable.  But holding up a video camera would be a clever way to disguise giving the finger to the paparazzi.  And who could blame her if she did?  Seriously, what kind of weirdo becomes obsessed with taking photos of celebrities arriving at the Late Show?

Sean "Diddy" Combs

Diddy's hand signals, deciphered:

"Ignore the warnings; it's cool to run with scissors"

"I'm going in here, and it's also cool to run with a stick of butter"

Julianna Margulies

Here's my photo of Julianna Margulies.

Now compare it with a wanna-be CelebriGum photo taken at the same time from a different vantage point.

Pros:   Ms. Margulies' face is visible.

           Decent view of the sidewalk grate.

           Ed Sullivan Theater masonry shown off to good advantage.

Cons:   No way to judge complexion of upper back.

            Several important elements missing, including light fixture, paparazzi,   

              orange safety cone.

            Sidewalk gum inferior to ledge gum.

A valiant effort by an amateur CelebriGummist, but my photo wins.

Johnny Knoxville

CelebriGum is proud to present its first celebrity who uses a catheter due to injuries received during a failed motorcycle stunt!

I know some of you will say "What about Tony Blair?"  Good try, but he doesn't count.  The former Prime Minister was injured during a failed unicycle stunt.

Headless Matt Damon

Much of Matt Damon's box office appeal depends on his having a head.  Fans would no doubt remain loyal to his decapitated body for a while, but would eventually move on to living actors able to speak, blink, etc.

This grim meditation is Matt's own fault.  He tricked me by getting out on the driver's side and bolting across the street to greet fans.  He's the middle one at the top, I'm pretty sure.

Luckily I was able to get some better shots a moment later.

Hair, skin, vague indication of facial features.  A classic A-list head.

An Exciting Opportunity

CelebriGum is art, social commentary, satire, and so much more.  It's a very high-minded intellectual endeavor.  However, I have no problem with selling out.  

Very reasonable rates.  E-mail me for details.

Although it'll be tricky, I'm also looking into selling ad space on the celebrities.

Blake Lively

The cell phone camera's limitations are becoming more apparent.  Late afternoon is no longer bright.  Especially on a rainy day, I get CelebriBlur, dimness, and general schmutz.  Soon I'll be switching to a better camera.

And yet… and yet.  I think this photo is one of the most striking I've taken for CelebriGum.  Amidst the smears of color and wisps of time-lapse movement, somehow I actually got her face.

Thank God I had something to say about the photo, because I know nothing about Blake Lively.

Julianne Moore

Julianne Moore is a fine actress, an engaging Late Show guest, and a celebrity I'm proud to feature in CelebriGum.  But I think she'd agree that when it comes to the combination of celebrities and gum, it's hard to beat this example I came across:

The ultimate CelebriGum

Tony Blair

Unlike former U.S. Presidents, former British Prime Ministers are protected by dancers.  These highly trained professionals deter attackers with snappy choreography rather than deadly force. To date, the system has worked very well.

The Roots Of CelebriGum

CelebriGum did not spring fully-formed from the void.  No; I freely admit I'm standing on the shoulders of photographic giants.  I want to acknowledge a legendary artist whose stunning work paved the way for CelebriGum.

Thanks, Ansel Adams!  I was inspired by your starkly beautiful images of the American west and old gum.

Katie Holmes

When Tom Cruise heard that Katie would be appearing on CelebriGum, he was very excited.  In fact, he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch, yelling "I'm in love with CelebriGum!"

Get it?  I'm referencing a well-known incident from May 2005.  Are you offended by my using such an outdated pop cultural reference as a comedic crutch?  Then have Dick Cheney shoot me in the face!  

I'm grateful for the staying power of both stale old gum and stale old joke references.

Tom Selleck

This photo of Mr. Selleck is not as good as it could be.  Although the cell phone has sentimental value, I'm considering upgrading to a better camera.  

I'm currently researching models that have DMS (Digital Mustache Stablization).

CelebriGum Extras

We've been told that the Plains Indians used every part of the buffalo, wasting nothing.  It's an inspiring lesson. 

We've subsequently been told no, that's a myth; the Plains Indians often killed far more buffalo than they could use, taking only a few choice parts and leaving the rest to rot.  

On that festive note, please enjoy some CelebriGum outtakes, thereby ensuring that nothing is wasted and nothing "rots" in my hard drive.

Joan Rivers

Brian Williams

Julia Roberts

Michael Cera

Donald Trump